D3 body, D1 cock
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
