Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
