So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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