He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
