Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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