Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
