I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
