So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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