I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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