I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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