I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
