Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
