so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
