Who did Billy Mays play for?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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