How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
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