Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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