i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
