sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
