I need help removing her.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
