When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
