We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
