the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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