I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
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