i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
