omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
