How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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