I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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