Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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