So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
