a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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