she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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