You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
