Dual....:-)
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
