i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
