Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
