Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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