That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
