Swine flu. Run for my life!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
