At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
