Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
