Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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