god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
