NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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