i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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