Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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