Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Randomize
