I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
