Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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