He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
