Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
