dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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