it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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