your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
