Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
