Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
