Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
